Sayonara 2009

Well, I'll admit that I didn't love 2009. It was kind of a transition year. A year of ironing out a lot of my own kinks and a year of supporting a lot of friends as they ironed out theirs. A year of learning, in many ways. In life, at school. A year of getting wiser and more self-aware.

What I did this year:

• I said goodbye to a relationship that wasn't working.
• I moved, again.
• I started working at a vet clinic; I assisted in my first surgery and my first euthanasia, and I didn't faint or bawl my eyes out (in front of anyone.)
  
• I quit smoking (for good, this time.)
• I strengthened friendships with a few key special people.
• I volunteered more time than I ever have in a year.

What I didn't do this year:

• Get away anywhere. I mean, I didn't go anywhere! Not even a cottage. I miss travelling. I miss that feeling of seeing something new and amazing for the first time.
  
• Spend enough time with people I care about. School has sort of monopolized my life, and I've definitely been missing the face time with my friends. And while there have been lots of heart to hearts over the phone, and way more lengthy emails to friends than in previous years, it isn't the same. I miss the connection that comes from a face to face interaction with someone who I get and who gets me.

So I guess it's time for some goals for 2010. Resolutions if you will. Things I want to accomplish in the coming year, and maybe if I write them down they will be more real and then next year I can come back to this list and say "check!...check!...check!" and then create some more goals. Here's hoping.

Stuff I want in 2010:

• To travel somewhere I haven't been before. Hopefully out of the country, if possible.
• To meet my partner in crime. Uh, life, that is. Meet someone who makes me happy, who challenges me, who keeps me honest, who encourages and supports. And who lets me do that for him. And no settling! And definitely no letting anyone treat me poorly.
  
• To write more. Four blog entries per month, minimum. Gulp. It's here in writing, so now it has to happen.
  
• To unload some relationships that cause me more stress than happiness - and to put more effort into those that truly make me happy. And to put me first a lot more than I have in the past.
• To pass the RVT registration exam in June, and find a clinic where I'll be happy and keep learning.
• To start some sort of side business to help supplement the old bank account - crafting, dog training, dog walking, writing, whatever that may be.
• To end 2010 living back downtown somewhere within walking distance to all the stuff I love, including my job.
  

Too much? Probably. But it's a good list, and I've always been the ambitious type. If I get halfway there I'll be in good shape. I've got a good feeling about 2010. A shift is coming.

Happy New Year, blogosphere!

The dog days of Christmas

Seasons greetings, kids! Exams are behind me and I've been enjoying some well deserved down-time. (I kicked some serious ass in terms of marks at school, by the way. And I don't even have to repeat that lab exam, meaning, I DO know what I'm doing in terms of reading crazy blood and urine slides.) I've had time to clean my apartment. I've baked more batches of chocolate chip shortbread than I ever thought possible. I visited my parents at their swanky new house. I've been going out to see live music. I've been eating and drinking with friends. (All this stuff I never had time for before!) And I've also turned my teeny apartment in a doggie day care, kind of. Okay, well, not really, but I've been entertaining canine houseguests for the last couple of weeks.

It started with doing a favour for a friend of mine going out of a town for the weekend. I offered to watch her 9 month old pup, Charlie the Havanese. So Charlie and Siris wrestled all weekend, and Siris was very patient with him, and Senor Snuggles taught him all about how cats are always in charge. But he came with pee pads. Ugh. I had assumed that a 9 month old would be housetrained by now, but I had forgotten that in our condominium culture, some people consider pee-pad training to equivalent to housetraining. Charlie's people are just happy he goes on the pads, and not their carpet. Not for me, but yeah. Anyway, when it was time for Charlie to go back home, along came Rafi the Chihuahua.

Rafi is one of Ola's foster dogs, and Ola's home/dog boarding business was packed with holiday visitors (I believe 17 dogs was her total IN HER HOUSE) - so in order for Ola to have one less dog to deal with, Rafi came to stay with us. While I am not a fan of Chihuahuas in general, I'm definitely a fan of this one. Rafi was an aggressive case but has been reformed by months of living at Ola's. He's quite possibly the snuggliest dog I've ever met, even going so far as to sleep under the covers with me, curled up beside me. He's a chill little guy, not yappy for a Chihuahua, and much more Siris's speed, thankfully. He accompanied us to Christmas at my parents, much to their chagrin and won over my skeptical brothers. I'll be sad to give him back.

I'm trading him in for a Bichon. Yep, one of Ola's regular clients called her last minute and she was full, so I'm getting Snowy this afternoon, till early in the new year. He's apparently a delight, very easy and well behaved. Looking forward to meeting him. So, never a dull moment at my place this holiday season. To clarify, I am getting paid for these dog boarding gigs. When you already have to walk one dog three times a day, adding another ain't a big deal. It's been an enjoyable and cuddly way to make a few extra bucks while I'm off school.

In other dog related holiday-ness, Siris loved the velvety tree skirt at my parents' place so much that she thought she'd circle and circle and circle and eventually make it her bed. Except that in doing so, she nearly knocked down the whole tree, causing my mom to screech and scream, my dad to panic because of my mom's screeching and screaming, and leaving my brother and I to try to actually do something about the situation. Straight out of the Marley and Me outtakes! I caught the tree mid-fall and held it upright again. I think maybe two ornaments fell off. The non breakable kind, so we just put them right back up. Keith tightened the tree back into the cheap little tree stand it was in. The crisis was averted. But seeing the dogs freak out at my mom's total frenzy, I may have snapped at her to please calm down. She may have screamed at me even louder that she was NOT GOING TO CALM THE FUCK DOWN! Oh yes. Fun times on Christmas Eve. Poor Siris was in the doghouse with my mother after that. And me too, by extension.

But, we all ate good food, and drank good wine. I got to see my brothers. My parents' swanky new house is intact, and there is no permanent dog-related damage. I got some good gifts and I got to give some good gifts. So generally, another Christmas success. It wouldn't be Christmas (or even just a trip home) if Siris didn't piss off my mother in some capacity.

Stress, stuff that makes it better, and my crazy life continued...

This blog has been quiet, because I have been "laser focused" (ha, ha, that's a gem from my old days in the corporate world) on school. When I'm not at school, I'm either going there or coming back from there, or sitting in my apartment making flashcards and memorizing something super nerdy and science-y. Like how long it takes for Propofol to kick in, and how it's administered, and whether or not you can top it off. (30-60 seconds, IV via catheter, and yes.. yes you can.) Or how you can tell the difference between a reactive lymphocyte and a prorubricyte, should you be looking through a microscope at a blood smear which includes both. Or what antibiotics are unsuitable to give to rabbits. And other fun stuff.

So, basically, my program has stolen my life, and I've become a total recluse. Two weeks ago, I was out the door at 6 am to be at school bright and early to do exams on all of our group animals and report the results to the vets in rounds. The weekend after that, I was at school for twelve hours each day in the kennels and in the barns, taking care of all our school animals. Last week, I was out the door at 5 am to be at school to supervise the first year students as they did their kennel and barn duties. And, in between, I was studying and reviewing while drinking umpteen cups of coffee and trying to get my anxiety in check, because last week I also sat four practical evaluations.

Random stuff that I had to do that will determine my promotability in the program:

• Put together an anesthetic circuit based on a random scenario given to me, and answer a ton of questions about drugs, duration of action, planes of anesthesia, safety, and patient monitoring in a nerve-racking 15 minute oral exam.
• Pull a team and a scenario out of a hat and work together to on a particular radiograph, position the patient correctly, manually develop correctly, and answer a series of questions about small animal x-ray studies and anatomy.
• Read a bunch of urine and blood slides within a certain margin of accuracy and a certain timeframe, identifying a bunch of hard to identify cells for our intimidating as hell Clinical Pathology professor who doesn't tell you if you got them right or not, and mostly just says "Hmmmm. ok..." and scribbles stuff down in her notes, rattling your confidence further.
• Do a subcutaneous injection on a guinea pig, give an oral dose to a hamster, and hold a rat in the iron grip medical restraint for an intra-peritoneal injection. These were all randomly pulled out of a hat too. I could have picked a mouse or a rabbit, and various other weird lab animal science skills.

I was mostly too exhausted to be as nervous and anxiety-ridden as I usually would have in these scenarios. And most went well, except for the blood and urine slide reading, which I strongly suspect I fucked up, and will be spending some extra time with the teacher on over the holidays. Which, hopefully they let me. I've been kicking ass in the theory portion of her class and usually do well when I'm not panicking in a timed laboratory examination, so here's hoping that counts for special consideration.

And, I am really proud of myself, no matter what the results. Because I am doing it. I am getting it done. I am working hard, and I am out of my comfort zone, and I am four months away from finishing. And it's probably the toughest thing I've ever done in my life, trying to juggle school, and studying, and two jobs, and my own pets, and pretty much doing everything independently since I live alone and don't have much help.

I changed my Facebook status during this week to indicate something about me trying to get through my week of practical evaluation hell, and got a lovely email as a result from Michael, who is one of the boys at the street kids orphanage in Kampala where I volunteered last year, asking me how my practicals were going and sending me the best. Which, honestly, made my day. My month, really. And more important made me step outside my little drama and think about how big the world is, but also how small, and how we are all connected. Facebook is good for that, I guess. Anyway, it made me stress a lot less.

The practicals are done, there's no changing the results, so next is focusing on written exams, which I think I can nail...and looking forward to almost three whole weeks off where I can reconnect with myself, my own pets, my friends, my family, and my old life.

In other news:

• My parents bought a new house and are moving December 15th. They've lived at their current house since I was seven years old and have talked about moving for the past twenty years. They found their dream home about a month ago, pulled the trigger and are now in panic mode as they have to pack up and unpack in record time. Christmas will be at the new house this year. Crazy.
• The Toronto Humane Society finally got busted. Tim Trow, the crazy president, and some senior management, including the head vet are charged with animal cruelty. The OSPCA is investigating. The media coverage has been totally sensational, and noone knows what the outcome is going to be.
• Sue, my oldest friend and the one who knows me better than almost anyone, is pregnant and expecting in June! I'm so happy for her that I actually squealed, and then almost cried when she told me. I'll be writing my RVT licensing exam and she's going to be delivering a baby boy or girl into the world - so much to look forward to in June 2010!

And I think that's all I have time to care about for the next little while... Expect some more updates now that I have some more time.