Things could be far worse...

Ryan left me with these words of wisdom on Saturday, after an amazing mexican brunch where I was being admittedly sulky about recent events in my life:

"Well, at least you're not a fat lady trying to make an illegal left-hand turn."

...and I thought that was brilliant. Yeah, it's a bike courier joke, but really, it's perfect. Because part a: being a fat lady in an enclosed vehicle that only makes you look fatter is pretty unfortunate in and of itself. Add part b: you're too dumb to know that the turn you're making is illegal but everyone else on the road knows and has to point it out...well, there's something very pathetic about that. Or a different spin on part b: you're a fat lady who is such a bitch that you know you're making an illegal left-hand turn, and are so selfish that you just don't care. Not only are you fat, but you think you're above the law, and have decided to inconvenience everyone else as a result...pretty damn deplorable.

I feel better about my life already, and who wouldn't? Because at any given moment, I'm sure that there are countless fat ladies trying to make illegal lefts, and at least I'm not one of them.

Weddings are for jerks.

I have two friends getting married on the same weekend. I love them both and I am happy they have found the one and whatever, but if I have to spend another minute talking about dresses or seating arrangements or emcees or flowers or photographers I'm going to go crazy. I get it, it's a special day. I get it. But I am at my threshhold. Girls getting married should have to go away to a commune where they hang out with other bride-to-bes and talk about weddings 24/7 until about a week before the date.

Oh, who am I kidding? I just don't want to lose my friends to the abyss of boring married couples out there.