After a couple months in the online dating scene, here's a shortlist of what most men on online are looking for, from what I can surmise.
No baggage: I object to this. If you've been in a relationship before, you have baggage. If you've ever said goodbye to a relationship, or someone's ever said goodbye to a relationship with you, you have baggage. If you've had ups and downs in your life, you have baggage. And sorry, but that's all of us. Our past experiences shape who we are today. What we go through keeps us learning, and ultimately makes us stronger. We all have baggage.
Takes care of herself: This is murky. It could mean, eats well, stays relatively in shape, is not an alcoholic or a drug addict, lives in a clean environment, does these things independently. Or it could mean, always looks immaculate, maintains fresh manicures, never wears anything wrinkled, gets her hair done twice a month, does yoga, and thai-boxing, and is a gym junkie, and always presents her best side. To what standard are they speaking? Ambiguous.
Self-confidence: I'm the first to admit I'm not always sure of myself. I know that I'm smart, I'm kind, I'm funny, and that I have a lot to offer. But sometimes - gasp - I doubt myself. I don't live in a world of crippling fear and self-doubt or anything, but if I didn't doubt myself at times, I think I'd be an ego-maniac. Which I am not. I would describe myself as definitely self-confident in some capacities and definitely lacking in self confidence in others. Which I thought made me balanced, but which I guess makes me an unsuitable companion for the majority of men out there. Damn it - why do I have to be so honest with myself?
Adventurous: Men on online dating sites all seem to be into extreme sports - or so they say. They go rock climbing, they kayak through rapids, they skydive, they fly planes. Do they want women who will do these things with them? Are they lying because they think it will make them more attractive? Because really, that many people are into extreme sports? Or are extreme sport people just more likely to be single? These men's profiles typically feature carefully selected and carefully posed photos of them on their motorcycles, which of course, highlights just how adventurous they are.
So, Internet? I guess I'm doomed. I've got baggage. I doubt myself about certain things. While I'm not, for example, a junkie, I have never owned a gym membership in my life, I keep my fingernails short and naked for work, I spend most of my life in jeans, and for fun, I pick watching live music over jumping out of airplanes. And this is why I delete 90% of the correspondence I get from men on online dating sites. Meh.
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1 comment:
So, I am like 2 months late to this post BUT, online dating is really hard. I think it's because you get the opportunity to interact with so many people super quickly that you delete so many correspondences.
When I was doing it, I really had to remind myself that it isn't about "meeting the love of my life" (although I did!), but having fun and seeing whose out there...
Good luck!
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